Independence ! , Optimism ? And Stupid Cousins !!!

I Thought I should blog a little earlier today ... I'm starting a time-table for me ... I never had one ... Guess that's why everything seems hectic and stressful ... I need to begin somewhere ... I decided that I don't really need much sleep ... so I'm changing my sleeping patterns to accommodate a little studying around 4am ... I know it's going to be hard but I need to work at it ... I just hope I stay strong and don't give up too early ...

I was surprised to even get feedback for my blog ... Thanks Anjali for your comments ... It is deeply appreciated ... I really didn't think people would bother reading ... ( I have these little insecurities that people who read my blog tend to judge ruthlessly ... I tend to be a little to self conscious ... which currently I'm working on too ... I have learn't so far to take everything in my stride and brush off the negatives ... and it's working ... YAY ! for me !!! ) Boy! do I sound a little "loopy" ... HaHa !!!

Today as all Malaysians know is Malaysia's independence day (or Merdeka - in Bahasa Malaysia -the official language ) ... and I realised that the true meaning of "Merdeka" is lost ... I don't want to be a wet blanket but to me , all I see "Merdeka" as is"just another celebration" ... I wait for the fireworks, watch the concerts and watch the "Merdeka" specials ( documentaries) ... and yet I feel that many of us ( although we don't admit it ) don't really know why we're celebrating it ... The true meaning has been lost ... somehow "Merdeka" became a time when we just have a another public holiday ... It may only be me ... I don't feel like celebrating our independence... the only time I see true "Merdeka-ness" is when 8TV ( a local TV channel ) plays it's commercial, calling upon the "rakyat" (countrymen) to celebrate Merdeka but then ... it lasts only for a few minutes ... how do we make Merdeka last ???

As my ramblings go on about Merdeka ... I turn back on facing life ... it always sucks ... deal with it ... I know I am ... HaHaHa ... !!!

I hope I didn't anger any Malaysians for I am only expressing my views ... I too have a right of speech ... I someday hope that Merdeka will be more meaningful ... like the day when everyone gathered at Stadium Merdeka to commemorate it ... It's just a suggestion but maybe Malaysians should reenact the scene of our fore-fathers first getting independence , because after 48 years ... Merdeka has lost it's significance/spirit amongst all this hypocrisy many potray ...

I thought my day was over ... but no ... fate had other plans ... My most hated cousins in the world are here !!! ... why can't they just leave me alone ... I'm currently having my dinner in my room because I can't bare to stay in the same room with them ... They are always here for free food or to ask money ( uuugh!!! )... the son's a damn braggart ... the parents are "posers" and the grandmother is a vampiress ...( note how much I disslike them ... )... and to top it off *my* grandmother was implying that I was a liar in front of these idiots !!! ... How dare she !!! I was telling the truth and the topic was about beer and how much I could serve ... !!! the things she chooses to argue about( it was insignificant ) !!! .. Aaaargh !!! Just one day I would like to "fly" away ... away from all this fucking shit ... sorry for my language ... its the only way i can de-stress and get over all this problems ... I'm truly sorry that you had to see this ... my appologies ... )

PS: Hoping For A Change ... I Believe It Can Be Done

-conRad-

I'm On Fire ! ... I'm On Fire ! ... It's Getting Hectic In Here !

Life always works in funny ways ... every outcome has a strange way of presenting itself ... to me life has always been like riding a roller-coastser ... every sharp turn and every twirl sends some kind of emotion to reach it's ultimate ecstacy eventhough it may be anger or depression ... "every emotion has it's ecstacy"...( some might understand what I'm saying ... and others might not ... )

Life in school took a new turn today ... after chemistry , my teacher decided to point out his views ( more like his weariness ) on how I will be able to cope/survive STPM... I understand where he is coming from ... and I thank him for his concern ... I have not been doing well, studies wise, lately, and from his observation , he thinks it's best that I either see the school counselor ( like that's not enough validation that I'm going severely mad !!! HaHa...!!! )... or change streams ( from science to arts ) ...

I have thought and cracked my head on his views ... I still have no idea on what do I do with my life ( career wise ) ... I have been against joining form6 all this while and yet I'm here doing it now ... I'm floating , and I severely need help/guidance ( more like an ANCHOR to keep me grounded !!! ) ... my priorities are all over the place ...
life to me at this point seems like there isn't much meaning left ... I need motivation I guess ???

My stupid PA teacher was no help ... He just loves comparing me to others and has even asked me if I can handle being in his class because according to him, I am not up to it ... I have taken too much shit !!! and I am about to burst !!! ...

Anyway life still goes on ... Sonia is helping me prioritise my life and everything in it ... Currently my pillar of hope is her ... and God , I thank you for her ...

Cool, Malaysia will celebrate it's Independence in a few minutes ... to all Malaysian readers " Selamat Hari Merdeka !!! " Merdeka X3 !!! Yeah, I'm sleepy ... thats why the paragraphs keep shrinking ... I'm trying to end everything fast !!! at least I gotta know to " KEEP IT REAL DUDE !!! "

-conRad-

"Do You Like The Way I Rock My Body ? Boy ! , It's So Chaotic !"

Today was a miracle . I managed to get to school earlier than normal. Anyway before lines ( sort of like a tiny assembly of students ) everyone was all laughs !!! Assembly ( the big one !!! ) was canceled and life was fine till Mr. Kali ( my chemistry teacher ) walked in ... thank goodness class was a short one ...

Everything was pretty normal ... I laughed a lot with sonia and buzzy ... Gosh , I realised people have lotsa problems too ... ( aka Roshan ) haha...!!! ( no offence ar ... you know who you are ... ). Oh Yeah ! I hate my P. A teacher ... he can be such a pain ... I hate people who compares a person to others ... ( God knows I've gone through it a million and one times !!! ) ... I hate people like that ...

Hhhhmmm... Also had a round of maths ... this teacher of mine should be shot dead ( nobody has an affair with the whiteboard more than he does ... people could acually die of severe boredom in this class ... it's great that I have sweets and cool friends to keep each other alive or at least awake ... )

Let see ... Damn !!! I was also ignored by a friend ... wonderful isn't it ... that people could be very cold to one another ....

At least the negative parts of the day was demolished by the sudden urge of hunger and desire to "hang" out with friends ... You guessed it ! Sonia, Buzzy, Rubana, Poo and I went out for lunch after school at a stall near the Maharajalela Monorail Station ... the food was good and the company was great !!!

I finally got home at about 2.30pm and started another blog based on Buzzy's idea ( it's the geekbitches blog !!! specially for all geekbitches !!! aka Sonia, Buzzy and Me !!! ) ... I was so into this blog ... check out the link at the side bar !!! Then I caught up with the soap opera " The Bold And The Beautiful" ( yeah I'm a soap opera addict ... I used to watch those Mexican, Cuban and Venezuelan shows too !!! )... the characters of this show have problems from out of this world !!!

After dinner I decided to watch Britney's Show , " Chaotic " in short ... It's damn funny that I usually relate more to TV shows than real life ... On this episode , I connected with Britney and how she feels/felt about love ( see ... the both of us have had severely painful breakups ... ) ... I too, am scared to LOVE again ... Oh !!!! and Britney has a fear of flying ( who knew ? )...

Well I guess I'll end it hear ... my homework is calling out to me ... who am I to deny the call which kinda determines my future ? ( what crap !!! ) ... Adios !!!

-conRad-

... Life Begins When You Wake Up !!! ...

Waking Up today was never so wonderful ... till everthing else learns to screw it up ... yet I always seem to complain ( I realised this a long time ago ... just bear with me please ... ) I decided that today was going to be a rest and relaxation day ... Buzzy gave me the idea ... ( what a bad influence !!! ).

I managed to catch a few shows on TV ... like Britney's Chaotic show ( which I watched before but couldn't resist watching again ... )

Now , while blogging I'm chatting ( more like fighting ) with Sonia and Surinder ... I played Monopoly just now and became the second richest player ... ( I dunno what does this have to do with anything ... maybe because I'm running out of ideas to type ... )

Hhhmmm... strange I forgot what I was going to say ... Oh well !!! It's gonna be a another boring day so I'll pen off again ... by the way the pictures are of Britney and two of my bestest friends with me !!!

Wow !!! I decided to watch Oprah and Bill Clinton was on it ... He's talking about his biographical book which coincidently mirrors my life when he was young ... now let's just hope I won't have an affair and the world finds out about it ... HaHa !!! In my opinion, Bill Clinton was the best US President ... he managed to avoid war and animosity amongst the countries of the world ...

Great !!! school's starting tomorrow and not a single homework was done ... I feel dread coming on because of tomorrow ... Thank God for I have good friends ... praying that nothing might keep me busy and in the end stresses me out ... how I only wish !!!

-conRad-

... The Most Miserable Outcast Hugs Some Memory Or Some Illusion ... Joseph Conrad

I'm bored so I decide to blog again ... Haha !!! Did you notice all my titles ??? It's acually a long quote by Joseph Conrad which I identify most with ... it acually goes like this " Who Knows What True Loneliness Is - Not The Conventional Word But The Naked Terror ? To The Lonely Themselves It Wears A Mask. The Most Miserable Outcast Hugs Some Memory Or Some Illusion " ... Joseph Conrad .

I heard this quote being said by Lucas ( the character on the hit TV show One Tree Hill ) ...

I just finished having a late shower ... I like doing that sometimes ... ok !!! I'm done trying to entertain myself ... I guess I'll go to sleep now ... Gosh am I tired !!! ...

-conRad-

Who Knows What True Loneliness Is - Not The Conventional Word But The Naked Terror ? ...

The last time I decided to have a blog I didn't really love updating it ... it got a bit hectic ... I decided once again to jump on the band wagon and give it a try... again ... lately I've been fascinated with Joseph Conrad quotes ... somehow I channel through what he wrote ...freaky yet it gives an insight through my life ... freaky ...

I'm feeling very unwanted lately ... some might say that I exaggerate but I tend to get down on myself awhile ... I guess that's another reason why I decided to blog ... to let all my feelings out instead of pending it all up in me ... because one day ... just one day I might explode ... I've done it before and I didn't like it ... it wasn't very nice ... haha ... I'd like to remain as Conrad the nice guy... ( as if !!! )

Cool "Helena" is playing right now ... love that song ... I can't wait for tomorrow because I'm finally going out with my most treasured friends ( Bazilah , Sonia , Surinder , Raezneen ) Man !!! I wish Thiru and Stephanie were here to ... ( sigh ) I don't want to get to emotional instead ... I'm a guy for God's sake ... haha ... !!!

Today had been a sucky day ... had extra classes for chemistry and "monkey ass" Buzzy woke up late and decide to leave me alone ... How I hate chemistry classes ... I always feel damn stupid ... the feeling sucks yet I don't do anything about it ... then when I came home ... I had nothing to do ... ( acually I have holiday homework which I haven't touched since the day I got it ... Laziness is really become part of my life ) What am I to do ... I severely lack motivation ...

I decide that there isn't any point in life to go on [ oooo... ppl might go like " Oh he's trying to get attention !!! Like we don't problems of our own .... !!! " but I say remember ... I'm only typing all of this because I get to channel my anger in a healthy conventional way where I don't get all stressed and depressed ( God know's I had enough breakdowns last year ) ].

Haha ... I think I let out too much for my first blogging ... I guess I'll leave it here ... I'm going to catch Malaysian Idol later ( but I don't see the point because it sucks ... Jacklyn Victor was and still is the best !!! ) ... Oh God ... Tomorrow is another round of Maths tuition !!! Aaaarrrrggghhh...!!! I'll survive ...

Sad though my cousins from France are going back on Sunday ... tomorrow's their farewell party ...sad ...sad ...

Cool !!! Hilary Duff's new hit " Wake Up " is playing now ... I love this song to !!! It perks me up !!! WoooHooo...!!! Great now it's Britney !!! My favourite singer !!! " Someday ( I Will Understand )"... my day is getting better ....

-conRad-

...To The Lonely Themselves It Wears A Mask ...

Aaaahhh !!! What a wonderful day ... ( I think ??? ) ... Lets see , I woke up late to another day with no high spirits at all ... lost the sense of being again ... I drove myself crazy trying to get ready for tuition and not be late ... Manage to get to the LRT station on time but damn !!! , the train was packed !!! ... Finally reached the class and I spotted this girl I was eyeing for sometime ... she came in with no bra on !!! How am I turn away ???

Anyways tuition class got off with a bad start ... maths you see ... it isn't my strongest subject ... I was suffering towards the end of the class ... and when ended , Boy !!! was I like lightning ... I took the PUTRA to KLCC ... it was the day I finally am going out with my friends !!! WoooHooo!!! ... yeah ... so much for that ...

Raezneen didn't come because she was in Penang and Sonia was late !!! We couldn't decide on where to eat and ended up in Nando's ... Buzzy's friend Jimin was lost or something because God knows how far the KlCC's carpark is from a restaurant in KLCC itself ( note the sarcasm )...

Then it took us a very long time to get in the Aquaria ( which was a fantastic place to go and visit at the KL Convention Centre )... when we finally got through thanx to Surinder , his uncle and a sweet lady named Natalie ... we enjoyed ourselves to the max !!! but I was supposed to be home by 3pm and I left the place ( KLCC ) only at 3.15pm ... which meant I seriously needed to rush home ... I kinda had a good time but certain things made me really uncomfortable ( such as being the third wheel between Sonia-Surinder and Buzzy- Jimin ) they said they were fine but I wasn't ... I just Hate the feeling ...

To make a long story short ... I reached home just in time to go to church ... then later at 8pm I reached Rawang for my cousins Farewell party ... they are from France and they are going back on Monday Night ...

I never really talked to them much but I really liked them ... I talked to Marie a lot this time ... She's fun !!! ... It was sad that ( Marie , Cathy, Gony, Vincent and Andre ) they were going home so fast ... I finally clicked with them ... thank God !!! for the wonders of the internet and now communicating wouldn't be so hard ...

I reached home at about 11pm or something and decided to blog ... I feel a bit better ... chatted with Buzzy awhile and now I'm penning off !!! Ciao

-conRad-