Independence ! , Optimism ? And Stupid Cousins !!!

I Thought I should blog a little earlier today ... I'm starting a time-table for me ... I never had one ... Guess that's why everything seems hectic and stressful ... I need to begin somewhere ... I decided that I don't really need much sleep ... so I'm changing my sleeping patterns to accommodate a little studying around 4am ... I know it's going to be hard but I need to work at it ... I just hope I stay strong and don't give up too early ...

I was surprised to even get feedback for my blog ... Thanks Anjali for your comments ... It is deeply appreciated ... I really didn't think people would bother reading ... ( I have these little insecurities that people who read my blog tend to judge ruthlessly ... I tend to be a little to self conscious ... which currently I'm working on too ... I have learn't so far to take everything in my stride and brush off the negatives ... and it's working ... YAY ! for me !!! ) Boy! do I sound a little "loopy" ... HaHa !!!

Today as all Malaysians know is Malaysia's independence day (or Merdeka - in Bahasa Malaysia -the official language ) ... and I realised that the true meaning of "Merdeka" is lost ... I don't want to be a wet blanket but to me , all I see "Merdeka" as is"just another celebration" ... I wait for the fireworks, watch the concerts and watch the "Merdeka" specials ( documentaries) ... and yet I feel that many of us ( although we don't admit it ) don't really know why we're celebrating it ... The true meaning has been lost ... somehow "Merdeka" became a time when we just have a another public holiday ... It may only be me ... I don't feel like celebrating our independence... the only time I see true "Merdeka-ness" is when 8TV ( a local TV channel ) plays it's commercial, calling upon the "rakyat" (countrymen) to celebrate Merdeka but then ... it lasts only for a few minutes ... how do we make Merdeka last ???

As my ramblings go on about Merdeka ... I turn back on facing life ... it always sucks ... deal with it ... I know I am ... HaHaHa ... !!!

I hope I didn't anger any Malaysians for I am only expressing my views ... I too have a right of speech ... I someday hope that Merdeka will be more meaningful ... like the day when everyone gathered at Stadium Merdeka to commemorate it ... It's just a suggestion but maybe Malaysians should reenact the scene of our fore-fathers first getting independence , because after 48 years ... Merdeka has lost it's significance/spirit amongst all this hypocrisy many potray ...

I thought my day was over ... but no ... fate had other plans ... My most hated cousins in the world are here !!! ... why can't they just leave me alone ... I'm currently having my dinner in my room because I can't bare to stay in the same room with them ... They are always here for free food or to ask money ( uuugh!!! )... the son's a damn braggart ... the parents are "posers" and the grandmother is a vampiress ...( note how much I disslike them ... )... and to top it off *my* grandmother was implying that I was a liar in front of these idiots !!! ... How dare she !!! I was telling the truth and the topic was about beer and how much I could serve ... !!! the things she chooses to argue about( it was insignificant ) !!! .. Aaaargh !!! Just one day I would like to "fly" away ... away from all this fucking shit ... sorry for my language ... its the only way i can de-stress and get over all this problems ... I'm truly sorry that you had to see this ... my appologies ... )

PS: Hoping For A Change ... I Believe It Can Be Done

-conRad-