Saturday, November 12, 2005

Dirty Little Secret ... who has to know ?

After last night, I saw a glimpse into my future life, and I so didn't want to be that person ! My mom and I had to go to Suriya ( a pub which my dad once co-owned ) to pick my dad up. I was there for about an hour and a half. This place usually entertains nobody but my dad and his friends. The business only survives on my dad's friends and the friends of his friends ( which isn't many ! ).

In this pub alone, you are able to find many different characters, different personas, all of whom I cannot stand. So yesterday, as I stepped into that pub, my face contorted into a fake smile. The smile which I give to all of my dad's friends !

Anyway, as I waited for my dad to finish his game of cards ( I had no idea what they were playing ??? ), I looked around and the thought hit me, like a light bulb lighting up ! I might turn into these people !

I might be sitting in the same place of that dingy, smoky, smelly, alcohol filled pub, with the music blasting, people shouting and I enjoying it !!! The thought scared me ! I didn't want to be in there anymore, but the cruel hand of fate tied me down. I watched everyone there closely. Picking up pointers on what not to do in the future ! I gulped down the last of my second Mango Malibu drink, secretly hoping that I got drunk ( this stuff wasn't strong at all !!! ).

When I finally reached home, I realised that getting drunk wasn't any answer ! Being drunk just numbs the truth for awhile ! I thank God that everytime it didn't work, when I tried to get drunk ! I know I have foolishly done things out of the blue, but I have never felt more proud of myself then right now ! I have managed to handle myself much more better than last time ! I know life will have it's hurdles, and I may trip and fall in every way, but I know I'll get up sooner or later, with a better understanding... :) Just forgive me if I tend to lose hope first. I know I'll find my way ... ( suddenly it sounds very sappy here ... but I don't care ! )

Just so you know~ Dirty Little Secret is playing now ... I have dirty little secrets, don't you ?

-conRad-

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