Aiyak !
I know it may be silly but I feel alone ( at this moment in time ) ... and yet I'm smiling eventhough inside of me I feel sad and lost ... It has nothing to do with me, but it has to do with someone special in my life ( no , I have no girlfriend just friends ) I hate to see people hurting because I feel it too ( like tiny fingers tugging at my heartstrings ) ... it makes me want to cry but there isn't enough of tears in me to do so ... I can be there for that person and yet feel totally useless ... why has hurt affected us so much ??? ... Wish there was a cure ...
The thing is ... why do I let it affect me so much ??? ... stupid hyper-emotions of mine !!! Couldn't I be blessed with something much more useful, like the gift of healing or wiping clean peoples memories or something ???
Ok, so the feeling of loneliness is not only due to the previous fact ... I feel this way especially when I cannot relate to a person . I lose interest in the person and stay mad at them for no apparent reason !!! Maybe I should stop taking hormonal pills ??? ( I'm kidding ... sheesh ... !!! )
Besides that, I feel alone because I see so many friends of mine having their significant other ... whilst I still have nobody to share an emotional connection ( called L.O.V.E ) with !!! Many who have shared this connection with me have ended up hurting me beyond compare ... I have been hurt to many times , wether it has to do with love or not ... I'm so totally screwed up ...
I have learned now to take things slowly ... let fate take it's course ... I will grow from this somehow ... the time now is not right ... I keep telling myself this almost everyday ... and I do lose hope and falter into the depths of despair ... but I also learned to never backdown and fight ... let us just hope I have enough strength to carry on in life with " life's brief candle " in one hand and the other hand free ( empty ) ... so I can grab onto God's hands ( usually he works through people, especially through friends ) everytime he pulls me out from the valley of darkness ...
PS : Some things typed here were never know by most of my friends ... this is why I created this blog ... to let people in on my life ... sort of like " Reality TV " ... i think ??? ... another secret ? : I'm totally afraid of other people's opinion !!! I'm so freaky ... and I think I'm going to regret later for typing this ... Great !!! more stress then ... and when I'm down ... I still walk with a smile ... but my bestfriends know whats going on ... but to others , I put up this totally happy person, just to hide away from the pain ...
Another PS : This was totally inspired after reading debbi's blog ... It kinda triggered a chord in my brain or something ...
-conRad-
I know it may be silly but I feel alone ( at this moment in time ) ... and yet I'm smiling eventhough inside of me I feel sad and lost ... It has nothing to do with me, but it has to do with someone special in my life ( no , I have no girlfriend just friends ) I hate to see people hurting because I feel it too ( like tiny fingers tugging at my heartstrings ) ... it makes me want to cry but there isn't enough of tears in me to do so ... I can be there for that person and yet feel totally useless ... why has hurt affected us so much ??? ... Wish there was a cure ...
The thing is ... why do I let it affect me so much ??? ... stupid hyper-emotions of mine !!! Couldn't I be blessed with something much more useful, like the gift of healing or wiping clean peoples memories or something ???
Ok, so the feeling of loneliness is not only due to the previous fact ... I feel this way especially when I cannot relate to a person . I lose interest in the person and stay mad at them for no apparent reason !!! Maybe I should stop taking hormonal pills ??? ( I'm kidding ... sheesh ... !!! )
Besides that, I feel alone because I see so many friends of mine having their significant other ... whilst I still have nobody to share an emotional connection ( called L.O.V.E ) with !!! Many who have shared this connection with me have ended up hurting me beyond compare ... I have been hurt to many times , wether it has to do with love or not ... I'm so totally screwed up ...
I have learned now to take things slowly ... let fate take it's course ... I will grow from this somehow ... the time now is not right ... I keep telling myself this almost everyday ... and I do lose hope and falter into the depths of despair ... but I also learned to never backdown and fight ... let us just hope I have enough strength to carry on in life with " life's brief candle " in one hand and the other hand free ( empty ) ... so I can grab onto God's hands ( usually he works through people, especially through friends ) everytime he pulls me out from the valley of darkness ...
PS : Some things typed here were never know by most of my friends ... this is why I created this blog ... to let people in on my life ... sort of like " Reality TV " ... i think ??? ... another secret ? : I'm totally afraid of other people's opinion !!! I'm so freaky ... and I think I'm going to regret later for typing this ... Great !!! more stress then ... and when I'm down ... I still walk with a smile ... but my bestfriends know whats going on ... but to others , I put up this totally happy person, just to hide away from the pain ...
Another PS : This was totally inspired after reading debbi's blog ... It kinda triggered a chord in my brain or something ...
-conRad-
posted by -conRad- at 8:03 PM
1 Comments:
hey i see that your blog comments have lotsa spam. go and turn on the word verification thingy. And yeah, i understand how you feel. It seems that we have the same way of... i don't know. But don't think so much my child ("p), it's all paranoia
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