A Problematic Trance, Let It Will Be .

Everytime I put 'It' at the back of my mind, 'It' pops right back. 'It' acually refers to all my troubles, stuff that's just been nagging at me every single day of my life. I know that almost everyone has the same problem but it's how we handle it that defines who we really are, isn't it ?.

STPM creeps slowly and so far my new year resolutions are having a slight shake of reality. Can I acually pull all of it off ? I am currently striving to fulfill my resolutions, yet one wonders will I ever get through it ? Will I manage to make it all a success ? One wonders ...

I have had small setbacks recently but does it give excuse to compromise my resolutions ? I guess not, but I have compromised it anyway. How do I make up for that ?

This is my chance to prove myself, to disacount every accusation and to profess my true self. The real Conrad ... or ... conradicle ... ( few know what it means ).

My blog is an outlet to question and provide an answer myself, but, is it really working ? Some people like me, type in riddles, confuse the words just to cover what's really inside me. Are you one of us ?

As I seek answers, more questions arise. How am I to lead a life full of questions that worries my soul ? Yet, how can I be ignorant and lead a life that numbs my soul ? Do you get me ? ( a stadium full of people most probably won't get it ! ).

Is this an excuse to lead a life that I do ?

Notice every question arising. Why do I always seem negative ? Is this really negativism ( is there such a word ? ... probably not ! ) or is it a twisted sense of truth ?

I confuse myself ! Do I confuse you ? Many a time I complain and whine, but my heart lightens and a sense of freedom and hope spurs right in the middle. Now I wonder ... I wonder why can't I write like this in my essays !!! Why don't these words flow like this, then ?

Now, as I read back what I typed, I laugh. I laugh because my problems are numb. I know it's there but I also know that everything has a place and a time. They say time heals. Let it heal then.

When it is time to solve a problem, then I'll solve it. Now it's not the time. Now is just the worried soul typing. The time isn't now people. The only problem left to solve now is my maths homework.

So be it.

Amen.

Let it will be. ( coincidently, a song title taken off Madonna's new album ! :) )

-conradicle strikes again-